From Iowa Parent Magazine by Judy Richardson, 1999.
As Christmas approaches, the classic holiday scenario plays out before our eyes hundreds of times in the glitz of television and media films and ads. Wide-eyed kids in neat little robes and slippers creep into a beautifully decorated family room to find stacks and stacks of presents piled beneath a sparkling tree. Squealing gleefully, the kiddies tear into a mountain of gifts while smiling parents watch with pride as their little dears discover everything their hearts desire.
Time for a reality check you say? Okay, picture the brother in Spider-Man pajamas with a torn knee and sister in a faded princess nightgown. Do you still see piles of presents? Were you the mom or dad who went to five toy stores to find exactly what your son or daughter wanted? (In 2025 we search the Internet)
Believe it or not, some children only get one or two gifts under the tree. No, I am not just thinking of families with limited resources. In a way those children might have a far greater appreciation for that single gift than ones inundated with toys they will only spend a few minutes with before they open another. In the past, families might limit gift giving to just one or two packages and a stocking stuffed with fruit and candy. When I was a child, we were given a Sears or Montgomery Ward catalog and told to make a wish list. We knew full well they would not all be under the tree. We learned, as we grew older, it would be a gift that the family could afford. We also expected the practical gift of new pajamas and maybe a puzzle for the family to tackle during the holidays.
Our family enjoyed gift giving. Sometimes the gifts we gave were hand made. We liked to give funny ones to add some spice to the traditional Christmas morning fun. My brother gave me a hamster when I wanted mink earrings. I gave him a pet rock. The gift exchange was a small part of our Christmas celebration. We shared food, music and laughter. The memories of gifts faded. The memories of good times did not.
Keeping with the “one gift” rule was harder when we started our families. Budget concerns were not the issue they were as we were growing up. It is easy to deny an expensive gift or multiple gifts when you can’t afford it If you can, maybe that life size Barbie with a matching dress for your princess is possible. It was harder to opt for the less flashy baby doll or the Easy Bake Oven. Add to the mix grandparents and it can be a challenge.
Like our parents we tried to avoid the danger of creating the equation in the minds of our children that the number of gifts equaled love. Do parents who give their children expensive toys love them more than the mom who gives apples and candy and a new winter coat? Is the size or the price of the gift equal to the love in the heart of the giver?
There is another reason for limiting gifts we give to our children any time. My father reminded me more than once, “the greatest gift we can give to our children is that you won’t always get what you want in life.” If I was disappointed on Christmas morning when the gift I hoped for was not under the tree, I never felt less loved because it wasn’t there. In our family we didn’t need lots of stuff to make us happy. Giving your children everything they want when you can keep them from learning coping skills necessary to face disappointments they are bound to have later in life.
If parents practice restraint in giving material gifts, we could instead give our children the gift of time and attention. We could use this season of giving to teach them to be grateful for the gifts of family and love. We can teach them how to say thank you for gifts big or small. Above all, we can teach them to value love and kindness more than things. We can teach our children how to give of themselves to others. Teaching them to love and care for others may be the greatest Christmas gift of all. It is certainly the message of the first Christmas so long ago.
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